December 20, 2012

Divorce woes

To quote Doug Stanhope:  No two people ever loved each other so much that they said, "hey, let's get lawyers involved".

Knowing what I know now, I will never get married again.  It costs money to do it and it costs a hell of a lot more to get out of it- including, apparently, your health and your soul.

I won't harp on much more about this- because I don't want my blog to be stained to badly with the likes of this kind of bullshit, but I am confused.

For 4 years I have lived next door to my ex with no real issue.  The only things we have ever fought over, in fact the reason are marriage dissolved, was money.  Never enough money to pay the bills, never enough money to fix the property up.  This does not make me a bad person and this does not make him a bad person.  It just is what it is.  We are both starving artists- we bit off more than we could chew but I do the best I can to stay afloat and I can only assume he does the same.

A month ago I sat across from him at his kitchen table and he told me he did not want to "screw me over" and that we would work amicably and collaboratively to bring our marriage and red tape to an end.  I agreed I would do everything within my power to assist in this- and as I posted then, I slept better that night than I have in ages.

Now, for reasons I do not know, he has changed his mind and has gone rogue on me.  Won't explain why and won't be cooperative.  It is like Jekyll and Hyde.

I do not care or judge how he chooses to live, I tried my damnedest to welcome his new girlfriend on to the property, I stay out of their business because I honestly don't care.  I want him to be happy.  I wish him all the best.  I am appalled that he is handling things this way.  Life is too short for animosity and ugliness.  I don't want any part of that.  I just want to live my life and go about my business peacefully.  All this time we have been cool.  All this time we have been making it work.  All of my friends think it is his girlfriend motivating his behavior, but I don't want to believe that.  She seems kind and reasonable.  But maybe it is because she is here and he does not want me to ever talk to her?  He went from cool to spewing venom at me over night.  I am grasping at straws here.  Since he won't communicate or answer any of my questions I can only assume he is out to hurt me at this point.  Maybe it is just my over active imagination running wild. I don't know anything for sure yet but since he won't tell me what the plan is I can only assume it is because he knows I won't be appreciating his plan.

I am probably one of the coolest ex wives around.  I don't go ape shit on him and accost him in the driveway when I see him- even though I am dying to know what the fuck is going on.  I don't bad mouth him publicly- in fact in light of all of this I have even defended his honor with certain people who wanted to talk shit about him.  There are a lot of people in this town who know him and don't like him and were ready to talk shit.  I told them I would not go there and to please refrain from saying negative things about him to me.  Even now, in the face of whatever he is going to throw at me, I am trying to be fair and understanding.  I was trying so hard to be cool and friendly with his girlfriend- trying to just be happy for them and let them live their life.  I have not tried to fuck him over in any way shape or form.  He THINKS I have, but what he considers me screwing him over in reality is me just trying to make my own life work- it just so happens to be in close proximity to him.  Any decisions I have made were never in malice or meant to affect him negatively.  That is the gods honest truth may I be struck down now if I am lying. He doesn't even enter my consciousness during my decision making process- so if he takes my actions personally I don't know how to prevent that.

He harbors a great deal of animosity towards me.  I have forgiven him of anything he has ever done or said to me.  I look at him and feel completely neutral.  I wish he could let go of his negative feelings towards me.

My intentions are peace, tranquility, fairness, understanding.

We will see how this all unfolds.