I am a good person. I am generous, kind, loving. I am going to be OK. I have friends that love me and have my back. Am I stressed out? HELL YES. I am going to stay positive though, I am going to breathe, stay zen, and have faith that I will land on my feet. 2013 is going to be a rebirth and reinvention of my life. I shook off the fear that was trying to grip me, put on my red combat boots, and braved the holiday shoppers at The Armadillo Art show.
I didn't spend any money, but I thoroughly enjoyed looking at all of the art and listening to the live music. Sahara Smith was performing. I was kinda in a mental fog- so I didn't take any pictures of anything. It was nice to get out of the house and be around people who are having a good holiday season, spending time with family and loved ones. I am PMSing- I am sad that I can't afford to be with my family during the holidays, I miss Ian- but even if he was home I doubt he would know what to do with me at the moment. I feel needy. I am scared about this divorce process. I want to keep my silly little house and I am so afraid I won't get to. I am so afraid of being homeless and jobless.
I tried really hard to snap out of it. Being around all of that expensive jewelry and art that I couldn't buy wasn't cutting it- so I came home and wrapped Ian's Christmas gifts. That made me feel better. I love giving gifts- I get as much joy from it as getting them. I could not spend much this year but all of the gifts are thoughtful and I know he will love them.
Then I took Stella for a walk. We never do that- so she was excited and it felt good to get some fresh air pumped into my lungs. I am making a promise to myself that I will use healthy behaviors to deal with the stress that is setting in.